I am an adoring and devoted wife to my third and last husband, Myke. In our vows, at our beautiful lakeside ceremony on a beautiful October day, we promised ’til death do us part’. I do love him dearly, but sometimes I’m inclined to look up the fine print in our vows. Specifically, whose death? And how? 😁
Between my husband and I, we have a small collection of kids as well as a grandchild. All of our regular (human) kids are grown, living lives of their own – as young adults do.
We have a spoiled rotten nine-year-old puppy, Bella (other names: Girlfriend, Girly, Bel, Belly, Fart Smeller, Smarty Pants, Nobel, Naughty Joe, You’re Stepping On My Foot). She is the most loving dog-person I have ever known. She is well-behaved when her selective hearing is engaged. She knows her limits, and excels at testing them when the mood strikes.
It’s been just a little over a year since we had to say goodbye to our other spoiled rotten, but faithful puppy, Kirby (other names: Kirby Todd, Kirbish, Kirbs, The Poopster, Poops, Buddy, My Little White Shadow). He was just weeks shy of 12 years old. He was such a loyal and protective dog-person. He was, above all else, a good listener. There were many days and nights and way-too-early mornings that he spent with me, laying somewhere near my feet, just listening to me talk about whatever needed to be talked about, or listening to me sing to him, or just hanging out quietly. He loved to dance.
I am the oldest of five children from my Mom, and the youngest of three children from my Pa. I treasure my Mom and Pa to the end of the universe.
Sadly, my Pa passed away early this year. It has been a great loss to all of us, and I will always cherish being able to have a dad who loved me for who I am, no matter what. In him, I have been able to love a father like I never thought I ever could, or would. He has been my true Dad.
My mom has been my friend throughout the years – a friendship to stand the test of time. Plus, I have – quite obviously – been the favorite of all of us kids, so I kinda have to work hard to make sure I don’t lose my status. 😇 Since Pa’s passing, she has been learning how to live for herself. It hasn’t been easy at times, but she is beginning to feel comfortable wearing her own shoes.
I am a survivor-in-progress resulting from childhood abuse in many forms. It happened so often, with so many different perpetrators, that I felt like a target, and I believed I was the one doing something wrong to elicit this behavior. Today, I know none of it was my fault. If it wasn’t me, it could’ve been another child else just as easily. If I have taken the burden from another child, then I accept that.
Today I am on the mend. I am just now realizing who I am, at 46 years old. I still have my bad days, when I have another nightmare, or I’m not good enough, or I feel guilty for being angry for really no reason, or I’m just plain depressed or fat or uninteresting. And my husband has been my advocate all the way, and I appreciate him more than I can express, in so many ways.
I now have healthy interests that are my own. I recently found out that I love to paint. You might find this to be quite average, but for a codependent – for me – it is a HUGE milestone. I have interests (that are fun for me!) that can help alleviate some of my self-harming thoughts or behavior, and turn them into something beautiful using my own hands and my creativity. I am in the process of being able to say, I made this thing that is beautiful to me, and that’s all I need to feel good about myself! This is an important discovery.
Painting – as I said, a hobby I’ve recently discovered – is my current passion.
I also love to write (my first love) – journaling and creative, mostly. Sometimes I get fired up writing a technical document (and as long as I’m getting paid for it, too 🤓).
I come from a long line of crafty people. My gramma, especially, was always sewing or crocheting, knitting, painting, gluing, building something. For my wedding, my mom and I created hundreds of paper flowers to decorate the ceremony as well as the reception. I am looking forward to sharing that story, and the accompanying photographs, here in the future.
I am a Software Programmer by day. I was pretty good at math in high school, and my Computers course was led by my Math teacher, so I credit him for my nerdy, yet somewhat lucrative, profession. Thank you, Mr. Simpson!
All in all, I am figuring out how to be Me, and only Me.